Perfect Love

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says, "No, not until you're satisified and fulfilled and content with living, loved by Me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone."

"I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don't be anxious and don't worry. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I have to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you and that I am God Almighty; believe and be satisfied."

Our God is SO huge!

So I just finished watching the rest of the ["How Great is Our God"] video that Fil showed in Fellowship last week. I am amazed and I am sitting here in complete and utter awe of the God of the universe. God is so powerful and and such an artist... :) I saw a similar video like this about a year ago but instead of Louis Giglio speaking, it was Francis Chan. For some reason I was struck more this time and didn't realize how large God actually is. Sure, we say that a lot but do we actually know it? I guess you have to see the video to know exactly what I am talking about, so I highly encourage you to look it up on YouTube or ask Fil for his flash drive. Anyways, I started to break down in tears knowing that God is SO flippin' huge, like beyond anything I could ever put into words, yet He has a place for me in His kingdom and in His heart. He takes so much time just to listen to me, to hear my every cry and to receive my every prayer. I feel so honored to even be able to talk to Him. I mean after all, He did make the largest star in the universe (VY Canis Majoris). And do you know how incredibly HUGE that is?? Well. In comparison (if the Earth was a golf ball), then Canis Majoris would be the height of Mt. Everest (that is 6 miles high). Are you kidding me? Don't tell me that doesn't blow you away. That means you could fit seven quadrillion Earths into it. That is AMAZING. You could literally cover the entire state of Texas in golf balls, 22 inches deep. This video made me feel extremely tiny compared to the universe that God so greatly created, but He still chose me. He picked ME and YOU to be a part of His kingdom and His temple. Do you know how grateful we should be? This is a huge gift.. HUGE! The God who created these ginormous stars and planets has chosen you and I to experience His presence, and to experience His majestic creation. I don't know about you, but I feel so lucky. Praise God!! :) "The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of His hands" Psalm 19:1.

Here is just a small comparison of the sun to Canis Majoris. And just to let you know, the sun is about 960,000 times bigger than the Earth itself. The Earth is so small that you can't even contemplate the comparison... Can you imagine how small WE are?? We can't EVEN compare... now just think of how BIG God is.... He created all of this... crazy.

my soul thirsts for You, and You alone

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, 'Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.' Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."

 

Please Lord, help me.

why hello there.

Wow, I haven't blogged in approximately two weeks. Something tells me I may be finally getting past my technology addiction. Well, in the past two weeks much has happened. The Lord has been more gracious towards me than ever, and I am overwhelmed by the love that I've been experiencing from Him. This semester has been rough so far, but it's good at the same time. I'm being challenged in new, different ways and I'm getting stressed out which is also a good thing I might add. I went from having quite the easy first semester to having a difficult one now, which I could see coming all along. I finally have homework again, and I'm working hard for my Lord; it's a good feeling. This new semester has definitely had it's disadvantages too. I haven't had much time to sit down and talk to God or read my Bible as much as I want. About a week ago I made a new year's resolution list which included reading 3-5 chapters a day from a book in the Bible. I read every day this week except on Wednesday, which is pretty good for me. I'm actually sticking to my goals, and wanting to do better. I highlight "wanting" for a reason; this goal I have [to read my Bible every day] isn't something I feel forced to do. For once, I want to. When I didn't read on Wednesday, the next day (yesterday) I felt completely empty. Yesterday might have been one of the worst days of my life actually. And it wasn't because some tragic thing happened to me or anything, but rather because I realized I didn't have much one-on-one time with God the previous day. This really got to me, and last night I was talking to my friend Amanda about how it's so crazy that we don't have the desire to want to live our lives for Christ as much as we should. I find myself feeling this utter guilt built up inside of me when I don't, and this little voice in my head is always saying "How could you not?" I feel terrible when I realize I haven't been taking up my cross and not having that passion inside of me to live for my Savior. It makes me feel completely worthless and selfish as well. I need more realization like last night that makes me think this isn't about me. It's about the One that has Saved me from my old life full of sinful nature and iniquities. I need to put all else behind me, and persevere for what lies ahead with God. I need to be more consistent and know that God always comes first. Always.  

I coincidentally just flipped to this passage in my Bible :)  

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want...Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." 

-Galatians 5:16-25

beefy, bulky, baby banessa

          Yesterday I was pondering about babies; yes random, but I love them... I mean who doesn't? Sooo.. I decided to take out some old photo albums. A couple weeks ago I was at my friends' house and we looked through a bunch of their old baby pictures and I just could not stop smiling. I did the same with my brother's, sister's and my own yesterday. Nothing but pure joy. It brought me to tears how fast we grow up, and how much I've transformed through the Lord all these years. It's quite exquisite I must say.  

          Moving onnn; basically I was 10 pounds when I was born. Nothing but pure fat, joyousness, and God's beautiful creation. I'd say I was a pretty solid baby.. maybe not the cutest, but definitely one of the largest and buoyant. I was very cheerful and playful as my mom would say, and I used to do some pretty inordinate stuff. I would eat gum from underneath the tables at restaurants and throw down sand at the beach like there's no tomorrow. I pretended to be asian for about two years of my childhood and entering kindergarten, I achieved a new-found obsession for red ants with one of my close friends, Joseph. In fact, we loved them so much we decided to put them in our pants. Good story, huh? Well, I thought so.

           I'm going to have to admit that my childhood memories were def. the best. I was such an odd child--still am actually, but whatevs. I'm just glad I have fascinating stories to share as I grow older & older. God is good, and He's made me exactly the way He wants me to be.

                                   Here are some pictures to drool/salivate over:

(Note: in this picture you can see the sand on my lips. Mmm yummy, my favorite snack.)

kids helping kids' benefit concert.

           Tomorrow, right here in Santa Barbara at the Granada Theater, I have the privilege of seeing Tyrone Wells and Mat Kearney (both of whom I am very fond of). I tweedled my thumbs about my attendance to this event for awhile since I have seen Tyrone Wells four previous times as well as Mat Kearney about two months ago. But I figured since I will be playing a role in Kids Helping Kids next year that I should probably go. I also do admit that I am a huge fan of both artists, and think that $30 is totally worth it to see them again; especially since all profit goes towards the Unity Shoppe. I've actually partaken in this fundraiser for three months now. I was chosen to be a Penny Drive captain at Santa Barbara Community Academy as well as Monroe Elementary to collect money for the Unity Shoppe. I know I sound pathetic, but it was one of the hardest fundraisers I have ever had to deal with; I had to drive to each elementary school twice a week and collect money from all 20 classrooms let alone weigh and count every single coin/dollar/check. It was hard work, but I think it was worth it because it will only prepare me for next year and what Kids Helping Kids has in store for me. I am very psyched for the benefit concert and also just to observe and see what I can do to help improve KHK for next year. Should be fun! Check out the tracks, All I'm Thinking Of by Tyrone Wells, or On and On by Mat Kearney. If you like, then buy their albums--Metal & Wood (Tyrone Wells)/City of Black & White (Mat Kearney). Oh, and you can still buy tickets if you are interested at granadasb.org!

a little playlist to start the new year off

1. Wasted Hours- Arcade Fire

2. The Suburbs-Arcade Fire

3. Knife- Grizzly Bear

4. Sticky Thread- Local Natives

5. Boy- Ra Ra Riot

6. Around My Head- Cage the Elephant

7. I Can See The Pines Are Dancing- Aa Bondy

8. Mardy Bum- Arctic Monkeys

9. I Can Talk- Two Door Cinema Club

10. Transatlantique- Beirut

11. Tighten Up- The Black Keys

12. Keep Your Eyes Ahead- The Helio Sequence

13. John Wayne Gacy Jr.- Sufjan Stevens

14. Floating Vibes- Surfer Blood

15. Pearls- The Union Line
16. Silver Lining- Rilo Kiley
17. All Day Day Light- The Morning Benders
18. Four Winds- Bright Eyes
19. Ghosting- Freelance Whales
20. Evil- Interpol

Happy New Year everyone!