surrendering and more.

"He will reveal himself to our earnest prayers, and graciously suffer himself to be detained by our entreaties and by our tears, for these are the golden chains which bind Jesus to his people."-Charles Spurgeon

Warning you now: this is probably going to be a super discombobulated post for some of you, but this is all on my heart and I'm not sure how to tie it all together and I don't care, so just bear with me.

I don't know about you, but I, personally, have a really tough time surrendering everything to God. This day has by far been one of the toughest and convicting days I've had in awhile (hence the angst of blogging). Anyway, I was having a conversation with my friend a couple days ago and told him that I hadn't felt fully alive in Christ since summer. His response was, "really??"... This killed me inside. Questions went through my head like: Am I being real with God? Am I only giving parts of myself that are easy to surrender to God? Am I giving Him the glory that I say He deserves? What am I even doing if my purpose isn't to glorify Him? This hit home. Especially last night. I stayed up till approximately 6am praying, crying, reading, listening, and marveling at the goodness of God. I took the cheesy "too blessed to be depressed" bumper sticker off of my car and put it onto my bulletin board. I saw it last night and realized I had been weeping about worthless things, and that I focus way too much on the negatives in my life. I really am too blessed to be depressed, and that's an understatement. I take things for granted, especially my friends and family, and I hesitate to do things for God that push me out of my comfort zone. I am so locked into the desires of my own flesh, that I can't even focus on what God might want for me. So last night was the night. I can honestly and truly still say to this very minute that these past 20 hours or so have made me feel closer to Christ than ever. I can wholeheartedly admit that I confessed all of these burdens and iniquities for hours last night, and I'm not ashamed of that. I was flooded with not only the grace of my friends and family, but most importantly from my Father in heaven. For the first time in months, I felt the glory of God at my fingertips. I listened to sermons, I re-read journal entries, I prayed immensely, and connected with my Daddy more than ever. It was something so huge (yet seemed so simple in the end), but really if you want to give up everything for/to God, then tell Him that. Tell Him your weaknesses, and be patient for His answers. Fortunately, mine came to me overnight but it's different every time. Remember that God always answers your prayers, even though it might not be exactly what you want to hear at first. "There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning....You make all things work together for my good." I know this song is so "outdated" but these lyrics are soo powerful and so entirely true. God will never leave you unsatisfied. This is an uphill battle, but keep reaching for the top and you'll surely get there. Keep persevering! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Prov. 3:15

"Patience is more than endurance. A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says, 'I cannot stand anymore.' God does not heed; He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God's hands. Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. 'Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.'"-Oswald Chambers