....Jesus

lately I've just been feeling this sense of loneliness and emptiness. You know that feeling where you just crave so much Jesus but can't seem to grasp Him? I read my bible every day, I pray constantly for more of Him and for Him to heal my brokenness, sorrows, depression..etc. It seems as if most of the time I overreact about certain things and I find myself having such little faith. I always ask not only myself "why?", but God too. I question every little thing I do. I don't know why I always feel empty and why my faith is constantly fragile and unstable. I don't know why God allows these never ending thoughts to process through my brain but they do. I seem to be okay with giving others advice and encouragement, yet I can not give it to myself. I can reveal this Truth and Hope to others but not even to myself? I just feel so empty and so cold hearted. Am I unwilling? Unfaithful? Doubtful? I do not know. But I do trust God in what He is doing. I know He has a plan for every little doubt that goes through my head. I know His thoughts and ways are greater than mine. I know it. I think I just need patience and more understanding of what He wants from me. I need to understand that God is in different spots with everyone. I question my parents' and brother's salvation all the time because I've been praying for them for four years and can't seem to grasp why God wouldn't want them to be apart of His family. I question why I do certain things that are just beyond my limits as a so-called "Christian". I question whether I'm actually even a Christian because I know I am not near anything of what Christ looks like. I question why I repeatedly do things over and over again. I question whether I'm ever going to learn or not. I mean I don't know what to do about any of this, but God DOES. I need discipline and I need more Jesus. I need this faith and this relationship to be real; to be the Only thing I am living for. I need others to know this and to see this in me. I need my Father so much closer, because I don't have a clue what I am doing and I need Him to teach me. I need peace and I need a transformed heart, because I am not who I think I am or even what I imagine to be...I want to be real so please pray for me, thanks so much. Peace be with you.